so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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