Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
