i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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