People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
