with your own penis?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
