I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
