he shaved USA in his pubs
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
