His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
