Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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