I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize