I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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