Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize