my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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