you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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