tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
