i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
