I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
