I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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