We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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