I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
