so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
