My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
