College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
