i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
