Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
