There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
