You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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