did you get engaged???
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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