ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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