ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
