he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
