Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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