Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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