a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
its liver damage thursday
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