In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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