Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
