He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
