why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
