So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
