I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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