I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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