I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
that is very illegal...i love you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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