I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
