now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
