He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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