just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
