I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
