Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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