none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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