Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We had sex on a dog bed..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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