In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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