You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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