The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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