It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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