All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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