if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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