Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.