I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.