Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.