when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
