so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things