I skipped work to stalk him.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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