It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
