If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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