Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
